What is Self-Care anyway?

“Self-Care”. A term that’s grown in popularity a whole lot over the last couple of years. I’ve found Self-Care to be a very subjective term and expression. For some people, self-care looks like salons and chocolate and booking a week off from work to spend their savings on a grandiose vacation because they ‘earned’ it. For others it looks like turning their phone off and reading a book, or going out with friends, or taking some time to be alone with their thoughts, or getting their ass to the gym 4 x a week despite how much they dread it at first.

So, what in the world does this constantly used term “self-care” even mean?

After some thought, I believe I’ve come to the conclusion that it has nothing to do with the money or the chocolates or the vacations at all. 

It comes down to self-respect of the person you are now as well as the person you’re becoming and setting the boundaries required to make that happen. 

To care for oneself means to know what oneself needs throughout ALL ups and downs in life. It’s not always about what we want. It’s what we need. To know our needs is to build and consistently practice the act of self-awareness and ownership. To deliberately choose to communicate with ourselves and ask “is this right for me? Is this right for my soul? Is this getting me closer or further from the person my soul loves and cherishes to grow and protect?”. 

We communicate with ourselves, be it a heart-to-heart or a quick check-in, and then we follow through. We follow through by implementing our boundaries. Learning how to walk away from the things our souls say “no” to, and learning how to lean in no matter how scary it feels, to all that our souls say “yes” to. 

I believe we all have a little voice within us. The one that whispers. You know it? It doesn’t yell at you, it whispers to you in your quietest moments. The one that feels like love itself. The one you sometimes try to bury only to feel shame for doing so later on. The one that helps you stand back up when you’ve been knocked down. Ringing a bell yet? If not, I invite you to show your first act of self-care, by listening for that voice. Take a step away from the phone, away from the work, away from the politics and chaos. Close your eyes, and just be still and listen. 

To care for oneself is to learn to love and protect that voice. 

Another great way to look at self-care is treating oneself as you would a friend or someone you love. How would you speak to them? Would you encourage them? Would you support them? Would you protect them? Would you correct them if they were doing something harmful to others or themselves?

I’ll let you in on a little secret. When we start to be still and listen to it, learning to love and respect it by not forcing it away anymore, our lives change. You start to feel more comfortable in your own skin. You notice that by saying “no” to things that aren’t for you, your life starts to feel like YOURS. The people that don’t align with your desired self, life or goals, carry on without you. Meanwhile their empty spots begin to fill with people and opportunities that, and get this… know how to talk to that little voice of yours! And love it too! 

So, self-care. Where do you start? It starts with you beginning to listen. From that point on, we identify our values and desired self and life and get comfortable saying “no” to anything that doesn’t build, love, or respect it. 

It may feel a little strange at first. But nowhere is it written that self-care is “pretty”. But it is important, and it will change your life.

Have a wonderful day, everyone.